


Lose Him

by xiaohao (wydryn)



Series: Totally Platonic [4]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best friends fighting, M/M, and its not underage, but there's not much i swear, i guess drinking??, not a happy ending yet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-10-21
Packaged: 2018-08-23 20:15:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8341252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wydryn/pseuds/xiaohao
Summary: wen junhui was avoiding xu minghao. wen junhui was hurting xu minghao.wen junhui was losing xu minghao.





	1. minghao's birthday

**Author's Note:**

> i'm back!!! this one is actually a two shot, and i've been writing the second part for months. but once this story is complete there will be another addition to the series and then it will be finished!! finally lmao.   
> i know my uploading schedule is s h i t i'm sorry, my life has been a stressful, ill, mess recently.

The third time Wen Junhui and Xu Minghao kissed was a few months after the camping trip. It was Minghao’s birthday, and Seungkwan decided that they were going to celebrate. By this he meant going to a club, and getting wasted. Some more than others, as Junhui would find out. 

Junhui was going to be late to the ‘party’. He’d been held up at work, but he hadn’t seen this as particularly important, so he hadn’t said anything to anyone. He lived with Minghao, and had already seen the boy that morning. Not that they’d actually talked, Junhui had far too little self-control to be around Minghao with his hair messed up, and his eyes sparkling in the light of the morning. And anyway, the only reason Seungkwan really wanted to do this was to see if drunk Hansol could be less oblivious than sober Hansol. 

Ever since the kiss, Junhui had refused to be too close to his best friend. He’d dropped his internal “I’m straight” monologue, which had managed to stifle his overwhelming pull to his best friend. He hadn’t realised how much he depended on that to stop himself from hitting on Minghao every single time he saw him. Or to block the gay thoughts from his mind. 

But here he was, outside the club where they were for Minghao’s birthday, freezing in the queue to get in. He took a few deep breaths as the line moved forward, and as he neared the front, he mentally promised himself not to have too much to drink, because Junhui was a clingy drunk, and he would be going back with Minghao, and he couldn’t afford to do anything he would regret later. 

He passed through the doors, and was hit by the feeling of the club, the music that flowed over the heavy crowds dancing together, the companionship shared by everyone, just because they were there together, dancing the beat echoing in everyone’s ears and into the floor, connecting them just for a bit. One night relationships forming, drunken friendships that maybe neither would remember, the beginnings of love that could last.

He saw Minghao over by Seokmin and Mingyu, in a quieter area (thank god, the beating of the music was making his head pound), and immediately walked over to him. He smiled and shouted “happy birthday,” over the crowd. Minghao saw him and smiled, raising his drink. He looked stressed about something, but Junhui didn’t want to ask him what, not in front of everyone. 

When he got to them Minghao was already getting him a drink, which he turned down to the surprise of everyone there. 

“What’s got into you, Wen Junhui?” Seokmin laughed, his arm around Minghao casually. When Junhui noticed this, his mood dropped. He hadn’t noticed Minghao gradually spending time with Mingyu and Seokmin instead of him, but now that he thought about it, he had been. 

Why was Minghao spending so much time with Mingyu and Seokmin? Junhui cast his mind back to the past few months, after the kiss. He remembered Minghao suggesting going places with him, but recently he didn’t remember getting invited at all. Why was that? Was he losing Minghao? 

Junhui was shocked out of his train of thought by Soonyoung throwing his arm around him. “Wen Junhui!!! Finally let’s get started!!!!”

Soonyoung was not a good drunk. One drink at any time would end with him off his ass, and usually relying on Seokmin to keep him safe and take him home. Junhui raised his eyebrow at Seokmin who looked like he was trying not to laugh at Soonyoung. He pulled him off of Junhui, and they started walking away, Soonyoung seemingly fascinated by Seokmin’s hair, picking it off his forehead and flicking it around. Junhui was relieved to see them go, he wanted to talk to Minghao on his own. But Mingyu wasn’t leaving Minghao alone, and it was beginning to grate on Junhui’s nerves. 

Why was Minghao staying so close to Mingyu? (Junhui had tried to trick himself into thinking it was the other way around, but it was clear by the way Minghao was keeping an arm on Mingyu’s sleeve that he was the one keeping Mingyu there, and not the other way round. It was the same way Minghao had kept a hold of him when they’d started school). Was he uncomfortable alone with Junhui? What had happened? 

Junhui muttered something about going to find Wonwoo (Mingyu narrowing his eyes slightly at the mention of his ex), and left. Wonwoo was at the other end of the club, quietly in a corner, looking vaguely overwhelmed. He was talking to a girl about something, seemingly oblivious to the way she was checking him out. 

Junhui wasn’t sure what the break-up was over, but he thought he owed it to Mingyu, despite him being all over Minghao, to stop the conversation (also Wonwoo was very gay, but too polite to say anything). So, relying on years of acting, he adopted a drunk walk and barrelled into their conversation. 

“Jeon Woowon,” he slurred, stumbling over to Wonwoo. He tripped and fell into Wonwoo (maybe not all of it was an act, but sometimes life gives you opportunities to make someone you want to leave uncomfortable, and also to be close to hot men. Junhui may only be gay for Minghao but he’s not blind). It worked, and the girl walked away (in an unnecessarily rude way, Junhui thought). 

Wonwoo shook his head at Junhui. “You’ve been here ten minutes and you’re this wasted,” he said disapprovingly. Junhui decided to quit the act, he wasn’t going to get judged for something he didn’t do, and quickly moved away from Wonwoo. 

“No, but you’re too polite to tell girls you’re gay so you let them down harsh. You need to be more direct. It’s cruel,” Junhui said, his eyes not leaving Minghao. He was alone at the bar, apparently having felt comfortable letting Mingyu go (because Junhui wasn’t there presumably). Junhui immediately started walking over towards him, leaving Wonwoo staring after him slightly shocked. 

“Why would you insult me then walk away?” Wonwoo muttered. He resumed watching the room for Mingyu, trying to convince himself it was just so he could avoid him.

 

Minghao was pretty drunk. He hadn’t really noticed Mingyu leaving, he was too busy focusing on Junhui leaving. To see Wonwoo. Again. 

Ever since that camping trip Junhui had been avoiding him. Minghao had tried to stay close, but Junhui turned down every single plan Minghao had made, unless everyone was there. Most of Junhui’s excuses were based around Wonwoo or Soonyoung, or more rarely Jihoon. It stung to know it had been partially his fault as well. If he hadn’t given in and kissed Junhui he wouldn’t be in this situation. 

His roommate hadn’t even said happy birthday to him. Junhui had left just after Minghao had woken up, and then he had got here late. And then he had pretended to stumble and fall into Wonwoo. Minghao didn’t care if Junhui liked Wonwoo, he knew Junhui didn’t like him back anyway, but before he’d consoled himself with the thought that nothing could come between the two of them. Now after that stupid kiss, which Minghao told himself he regretted, he wasn’t so sure.

He heard someone sit next to him, and turned his head slightly. It was Junhui. 

“Oh great,” he groaned, banging his head off the bar. Junhui laughed a little. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked. With that stupid voice, still smiling that stupid smile. Everything about him was stupid. Junhui cleared his throat and laughed a little. 

“I didn’t realise you thought everything about me was stupid.” 

Minghao felt himself blush, but he ignored it and turned to face Junhui. “What do you want?” he asked. Junhui looked shocked. 

“Can’t I want to see my best friend on his birthday?” Junhui asked. Minghao raised his eyebrow. 

“Well we live together, so you could have seen me this morning, if you hadn’t basically sprinted out the house when I woke up,” Minghao pointed out, starting to get angry. Junhui had been avoiding him for weeks, and now he was mad at him? 

Junhui frowned. “I had to go-”

“-to work,” Minghao finished. “I know.” He also knew that they had both been up at seven, and Junhui hadn’t needed to get to work until noon. 

“Wait, do you think I’ve been avoiding you?” Junhui asked. Maybe it was the alcohol, but Minghao didn’t hesitate. 

“Yes.” Junhui’s face fell. A second ago Minghao could have smacked his best friend. Now he felt bad. 

He groaned. “Don’t be sad, Jun,” he said, reaching out towards his best friend. Junhui shook his head in apology. 

“I’m sorry Minghao,” he said. 

“Is it because of the kiss?” Minghao asked. He saw Junhui stiffen slightly. “Ugh I knew it. I’m sorry about that, Junhui. I didn’t mean to kiss you, it’s just that we were talking about it, and then I woke up and you were right there and you’re sometimes so quiet and you wouldn’t let it go, and I barely remember that first kiss and-”

Junhui squeezed Minghao’s cheeks to stop him talking. “It’s not your fault, Minghao, I was just shocked.” 

Minghao shook his head angrily, making Junhui let go of his face. Suddenly he felt like he could smack Junhui again. “No no no. You were shocked by the kiss at the time. It’s been two months, Junhui. And I want to move out.” Junhui made a choking sound.

He was making up the last part. He’d never even thought of moving out until now, but suddenly that seemed like the perfect solution. He’d have space to get over Junhui, and Junhui wouldn’t have to see him at all if he didn’t want to. And it was obvious Junhui didn’t want to see him. At all.

“What?” Junhui asked, shock colouring his features. 

Minghao nodded. “Yeah, I’ll move in with Gyu, and you can live with Wonwoo if you like. And then we can all live happily ever after, and you never have to see me again.”

Maybe Minghao had had too much to drink. Whenever he drank, he always became overly emotional, and would make stupid decisions based on these emotions. This was probably how he and Junhui had kissed in the first place, way back when they were stupid teenagers, and look how that had turned out. But this was obviously a good idea, one that Junhui would prefer to their current situation. And, honestly, one that he would prefer. He didn’t want to be so distant from Junhui, but if Junhui was going to avoid him, might as well make it easier for him.

One look at Junhui and it was obvious he did not like this idea. His mouth hung open, and there was a slight sheen over his eyes. But Minghao was going to be stubborn. This was a perfect way to fix everything, he thought. 

“Why wouldn’t I want to see you again, Minghao?” Junhui asked. 

Minghao felt close to tears. Damn, someone should really stop him from ever drinking again, he gets too emotional and makes stupid decisions that affect his life. Like moving out of his apartment that he’s lived in since he left home, where his best friend lives, and where he is happy. Was happy.

“Because you don’t. You leave every morning before I wake up whenever possible, and if you don’t, you stay in your room and don’t let me in. You avoid all conversations with me, I think this might be the first proper conversation we’ve had in three months maybe.” Letting this rant out was the best Minghao had felt since Junhui stopped starting conversations, or watching TV with Minghao, or making pancakes with him at five in the morning, because neither of them could sleep, and they wanted to spend time with each other. 

“You’ve been avoiding me too,” Junhui argued. Minghao would have laughed, if he wasn’t so angry and didn’t feel so empty. “You’re constantly with Mingyu and Seokmin, and you don’t invite me out.”

Minghao felt his eyes widen. “Are you serious, Wen Junhui? I kept trying to do things with you, only to be blown off for Wonwoo. What is your problem? Seokmin and Mingyu were being better friends than you were, so of course I stopped fucking trying with you. Why bother when you say no every time, and don’t want to be near me for more than ten minutes. It’s not my fault you stopped speaking to me, I am not responsible for this.” Minghao gestured between them, hardly feeling the alcohol’s effects anymore. Or so he thought.

The two were silent for a moment, panting slightly, neither looking away from the other. The anger in both of their eyes mirrored the sadness they shared. How could they grow apart like this?

“I didn’t realise,” Junhui said, and Minghao could see tears in his eyes. He hated that this wasn’t an act, because he knew Junhui couldn’t fake cry. “I’m sorry Minghao.”

Minghao looked around the club, trying to distract himself from his best friend. Their fight hadn’t interrupted the wave of dancers, and his friends were on the other side of the floor, surrounding Wonwoo and Mingyu, who were yelling at each other, or Minghao thought they were. He wasn’t happy they were fighting, Mingyu had been more miserable than he’d ever seen him since they broke up. But he was pleased that they acted as a distraction for his friends so they didn’t hear what he and Junhui were fighting about, or that they were fighting at all. 

 

Minghao had turned away from Junhui, turned to watch their friends fight. Junhui breathed deeply, trying to calm himself down, because now he could lose Minghao, and even if being around him was hard, not being around him would be so much harder. 

Minghao turned back around to face him, with regret on his face, and tears in his eyes, mirroring the way Junhui felt. He hated fighting with Minghao, and somehow hadn’t noticed he was pushing him away. He had left himself with two choices now, forget about how he felt about Minghao or lose his best friend.


	2. never again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t go,” Minghao whispered to him. “I don’t want you to leave me again.”
> 
> He said it so simply, but it tore at Junhui. “I would never,” he whispered back. 
> 
> Minghao tilted his head up at him, as they entered their apartment. “You did before,” he muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe i actually managed to finish this today!! enjoy

Junhui looked over at the bar to see Minghao fast asleep, and the bartender trying to wake him up. He waved off his conversation with Wonwoo, who was fuming at Mingyu for embarrassing him in front of so many people (“It was his fault anyway, I’m blameless in this”), and went over to see if he was okay. 

He tapped his best friends shoulder. “Minghao?” he asked. The bartender scoffed. 

“Good luck mate, he’s been out for the past five minutes,” he said. “And he don’t seem so happy with you anyway,” he added, smirking. 

Junhui glared at him. “Mind your own business,” he said, cuttingly. The bartender just shrugged, and went to get someone else a drink, his eyes lingering on Minghao too long. 

He shook his best friend’s shoulder. “Minghao.” Minghao didn’t respond, so Junhui picked him off the bar. He mumbled a little, and his eyes opened slightly. 

“Jun?” he murmured, blinking slowly. He went over what Minghao had said, he had been going over it since Minghao had sent him away. Minghao was right, he had been pushing him away, but he was going to stop now. 

“Come on Hao,” he said, gently. “It’s time to go home.”

Minghao grumbled a little, tired. Junhui helped him to stand, swaying slightly in the dimmed light. He moved to put his arm around Minghao, to steady him, but Minghao stumbled back, not wanting Junhui too close.

He allowed Minghao space, until an ill placed chair tripped him up, making him land in Junhui’s back. Junhui turned slightly, and put one hand on Minghao’s shoulder, steering out of the club, leaving behind their friends, who barely noticed the loss, too busy with the drama inside than the two leaving. 

 

Outside, the wind was sharp, cutting through the aura of warmth that the club had held. Junhui felt Minghao shivering slightly, and he was reminded of the camping trip, how Minghao had passed out from the cold. He drew Minghao in, not wanting a repeat, and met no resistance. Minghao clung into him, shaking. 

They hailed a taxi, but Minghao didn’t draw away from him then either, staying close to him, falling asleep on his shoulder for a bit. Junhui looked out the window, watching how the new falling rain blurred the stars. He focused instead on his reflection, watching Minghao sleep on his shoulder, giving out little sighs as he relaxed further. 

“Don’t go,” Minghao whispered to him. “I don’t want you to leave me again.”

He said it so simply, but it tore at Junhui. “I would never,” he whispered back. 

Minghao tilted his head up at him, as they entered their apartment. “You did before,” he muttered. 

Junhui wanted to protest, wanted to promise Minghao he hadn’t, that hadn’t been his intention, but he couldn’t find the words. “Never again,” he decided. “Never again,” he repeated, sealing a promise within the words. 

Minghao buried into his side. “I love you,” he sighed. 

Junhui stiffened, and pulled away from him. “I think you’d better go to bed.” 

Minghao coughed, and it took Junhui a second to realise he was crying, and another to notice that he was going into his room. Junhui threw it an arm to catch his wrist, but missed, and grabbed his hand instead. Somehow it seemed more appropriate, as he spun Minghao round to hug him. He let Minghao cry into his chest, and kissed his hair. 

“I really love you, Hao Hao,” he whispered. Minghao looked up at him, looking like he’d been slapped. 

“It’s not the same, Jun,” he said. 

Junhui smiled down at him. “No it’s not. Because you just miss me,” he said sadly. “But I love you. Properly, and I can’t tell you that when you’re sober, because you’d remember.”

Minghao shook his head. “I don’t miss you,” he argued, before shaking his head again. “I mean I do, but that’s not what I meant. I love you properly too,” he told Junhui, tears beginning to streak down his face. “I love you so much. And whenever you go out with Soonyoung, or Wonwoo-” he emphasised the other boy's name with pure hate “-instead of me, it really hurts, oh my god, it kills me, and you don’t even seem to care,” Minghao huffed, and tried to catch his breath. 

Junhui felt as though he was back at Jonghyun's party, when he had his first kiss, a trembling fifteen year old, and hearing a laugh as he walked into a door, turning to flip off the boy behind him, his lips still holding the trace of their kiss. Then he was at the campsite, frozen as Minghao kissed him, as he realised how much he felt for his best friend, the full extent of what he felt, how much he loved his best friend. 

And then Minghao dragged him back into the present by dragging his face down to meet his in a messy full kiss, falling deeply into a pattern, with the two holding each other close, feeling their hearts beat in the familiar disjointed pattern. 

 

Minghao woke up the next morning with a banging headache, and two arms wrapped around him. He cringed away from whoever it was, not wanting to remember what had happened the night before. Judging by the headache, he’d drank way too much, while watching Junhui, and judging by the arms, had made a huge mistake. Properly the bartender, he’d been particularly friendly.

But then the arms shifted, and the smell of Junhui came on strong, and he looked up to see Junhui smiling down at him. 

“Good morning,” he said, in a deep voice, full of affection, and Minghao realised that it was directed at him, and that little smile was for him, and no one else. That’s when last night’s events came flooding back into his memory, and he sat up, covering his mouth. 

Junhui sat up with him, and was eyeing him with worry when Minghao turned to look at him. “Do you really not hate me?” Minghao asked, not thinking. 

Junhui’s face fell slightly, but he kept the smile up as he nodded. “Really, definitely.” And Junhui kissed him, for the first time ever. It sent a thrill through him, as he kissed back fervently, sealing a promise that he hadn’t known he’d made. 

But he didn’t regret it. No part of him regretted anything that had happened, because it had led to this. 

 

Junhui didn’t care about his first kiss anymore. All that mattered were the kisses from then on, and he promised himself they’d be with Minghao. Because when he started kissing Minghao, he swore he’d never stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i can't write fluff (or angst) but i hope that was okay?? i''m going to write one final part (and i mean it this time) and then i will have completed a fic for the first time!!
> 
> i hope you liked it!! please leave a comment/kudos they make my day so much better, you have no idea.
> 
> thank you!!!

**Author's Note:**

> hopefully i will eventually finish this. can't believe this series started because of the middle but i'm glad i did start it  
> hope you like this one!! might be the longest in this series so far, but it's still only 2k so we'll see, might write more for the final, because i want it to be fluffy as Hell and go into the background of this so!! look forward to it


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